Who you partner yourself with for life can make or break you and your future. We asked the question on Part 1 of "How To Know If You Are Dating a Boy or a Man?" in our most recent post here. Now that we have asked that question...what about for our lady friends?
One of the attributes that you can look for in finding the girl of your dreams is maturity. A man is interested in dating a woman…not a girl. We highlighted a list for the guys because girls want to date a man and not a boy, essentially. However, we want this series of posts to help guys not only rise up and be the men that God is calling them to be but also for girls to be the women God is calling them to become. I have been talking hard to guys in the last post so here is my brief post to the ladies to encourage them and challenge them as well. Here are are my thoughts (with some female input) on the differences:
10 Straightforward Comparisons Between Dating a Girl Or A Woman:
A GIRL CRITICIZES OTHERS BUT A WOMAN COMPLIMENTS OTHERS
OK girls, if you want to turn the “good guys” away, just be a “catty” girl. Be that girl who talks about other girls behind their backs, comparing yourself constantly to others and for the sake of all things in the universe, don’t ask us guys the dreaded question: “Do you think she’s pretty?” Because a guy doesn’t know how to answer that one without causing the apocalypse. A guys wants to find a woman who complements others, who loves God’s creation, who loves her friends and accepts others as they are, who affirms her church and her community and leadership. A guy doesn’t want to date a girl who criticizes because it’s just plain draining.
A GIRL WAITS FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN BUT A WOMAN MAKES THINGS HAPPEN.
A woman knows who she is, knows what she wants and goes for it...professionally, relationally and spiritually. She isn’t afraid to ask the questions, ask for help and collaborate with others. She has friends "beyond her best friends" and doesn’t have a trail of burned bridges behind her. She’s assertive, smart and plans effectively. A girl can lack ambition, patience, thinks short-term and thinks often only about herself. But a woman has the characteristics of someone who wants to build a life for herself and her man as well. Check out Proverbs 31 for some ideal lady characteristics!
A GIRL FLIRTS WITH MANY BUT A WOMAN IS FAITHFUL TO ONE.
A woman is confident, strong and knows who she is. She knows how she’s acting in the moment and realizes that she represents her guy when she’s with her girlfriends and when she’s with others. She is aware of what she's wearing, what she says and how she's acting around others. A woman is clearly communicating verbally and nonverbally with those around her. A girl however, is draining. The boyfriend of a “girl” is constantly trying to "figure her out" because she's playing games with him. She says things indirectly that are ambiguous and unclear. Ladies, guys are already confused as it is...why make it more difficult? A girl plays continued games that may work for now but he will eventually grow tired of them. So ladies, be a woman who doesn't need to flirt but desires to be faithful in all situations and watch your man only have eyes for you.
A GIRL IS ENTITLED BUT A WOMAN IS ENCHANTING.
It’s the simple things that seem to make woman sweet, beautiful and alluring. An enchanting woman loves the small gestures, the sincere romance and the authentic conversation (along with some gifts…come on ladies, am I right?). A girl who is entitled talks about what she wants and if she can’t get it, she starts plotting what she wants through her and his friends. Guys, we have a lot more fun by dating a woman whose priority is not material things and false expectations but is overwhelmed by the time and thought put into a simple gift than an extravagant one. But guys that means you have to know what her likes and tastes are. Because when you give her what she wants because you know her well, that puts her over the moon for you. At the end of the day, it's not about the price or the stuff but it's about do you know her enough to know what she likes.
A GIRL TRIES WAY TOO HARD BUT A WOMAN IS HARD TO GET.
My wife was a woman from the beginning. She had standards. She knew what she wanted. She loved God and wanted a man who loved God. I found myself doing what I could to win her over. I met her in church. Not at the club, at an after-party, etc. (Hello, single people...!!) Church is a great place to meet people (Oh, and find some really awkward ones, too...did I just say that out loud?) We went boating with friends and I got to know her. Eventually I took her out and the rest is history. We grew to love each other. We got married and have just celebrated 22 years in Hawaii. You know what guys...I still romance her. We celebrate birthdays like royalty, we go out on Valentines Day like we did in the early days, we have anniversary’s at some really great places that have really great pools (especially pools that have people that bring food right to you...we are a big deal and we are fine with that), I give her “just because” flowers at work, etc. I say that because what "won her" to me while dating is what "keeps her" with me in marriage. She made me work for it. And you know what…I liked it. When a girl makes obnoxious and obvious pursuits of a guy, maybe it’s me, but it feels a little different to me. Nothing necessarily wrong with that but I want to be the man who has to win her over … and it brought out the man in me. So girls, stop throwing yourself at him but let him chase you...if he's the man for you, he'll "see you" and run right after you.
A GIRL GOES ON THE DEFENSIVE BUT A WOMAN GROWS IN DISCERNMENT.
A woman knows her surroundings. She is aware of the spiritual climate in the room and knows when the battle is not against others (“flesh and blood”) but when it’s a spiritual battle. A girl assumes the worst and gets defensive towards her guy and others. She gets offended easily and assumes the worst. She becomes hurt easily and lives from a posture of defensiveness and constant mistrust.
A GIRL WANTS HIM TO CHANGE TO HER LIKING BUT A WOMAN ACCEPTS HIS FLAWS BECAUSE SHE LIKES YOU.
I’ve counseled couples and their seemed to be some expectation that the other was going to change for the other. News flash: not gonna happen. A guy is much more willing to become a better man when he knows he’s loved unconditionally by his woman. I mean isn’t that the foundation of relationship with Jesus? A woman knows her man’s weaknesses. She doesn’t expose them but covers them and makes him a better man.
A GIRL IS SELFIE-OBSESSED BUT A WOMAN IS OBSESSED WITH SELFLESSNESS.
Hey girls, “pouty lips” or “the duckface” is not always cute to guys. Frankly, they can seem over the top. Are the selfies in fun or do they point to a bigger issue? A girl only cares about herself, how she looks and how many likes. A woman is concerned about others. A girl is selfish with her money but a woman is generous. A girl is needy but a woman meets a need. She lives a live of generosity by giving freely. Her life is characterized by being a person who says that others matter. Because when she prioritizes others, the others around her will prioritize her so she is never in lack or in want.
A GIRL GOSSIPS ABOUT OTHERS BUT A WOMAN GAINS RESPECT FROM OTHERS
Perhaps life is just too boring or maybe jealousy is to blame, but some girls love the drama (I get enough of that for one day by stumbling across an episode of Scandal or Riverdale). This type of pandemonium is unheard of with a woman because she’s too busy going for her dreams to waste her time and/or helping others achieve their dreams and potential. Don’t be a girl who gossips and causes division. A man doesn’t want to waste his time getting wrapped up in the cray-cray. Not to mention, guys assume girls are doing the same thing with the rest of her family and friends. A woman has a respect with with others in her community.
Guys, if you want to find the girl of your dreams, ask others around you what they think about her….because that will be the test of if she’s right for you.
A GIRL TAKES CONTROL IN THE RELATIONSHIP BUT A WOMAN GIVES HIM CONTROL IN THE RELATIONSHIP
A girl is controlling. She is one of those girls who commands him to open the door for her, tells her what he should order for her, etc. Although I appreciate the take-charge idea...wrong execution because in the end she is the one yelling at her guy because he's not being the spiritual leader in the relationship. A woman let's him lead and take charge spiritually. Even when he’s not a woman inspires him to go farther and dig deeper. A woman wants him to own his faith, own his spiritual life and own the relationship.
Anything I'm missing from this list?