#blunt on shame

The greatest human desire is to be connected.  Shame is the greatest enemy of authentic connection between God and man and healthy community with each other.  Shame says you should be excluded and that you aren't valuable anymore.  That you're a disgrace.  To "dis' grace" is to reject the very God-ordained and valuable acceptance that you don't have to earn to belong with others.  The first observance of shame is first observed in the Bible when Adam and Eve sin.  God's response is "where are you?"  This isn't because God didnt know where they were but because God wanted to know how they were.  Shame compels you to remove yourself and put yourself into hiding.  Shame leads to isolation.  Shame wants to keep you in solitary confinement so get out of isolation because it won't end well for you if you stay there.  Isolation and rejection may be the reaction of Kingdom of man but the response of the Kingdom of God is acceptance and belonging.  

You can recognize the voice of shame because shame says "you are the wrong person...you don't belong" but forgiveness has a different tone to it. Forgiveness says,  "even though you made the wrong choice...you still belong."  That's why repentance is so powerful. Repentance removes shame from you and vulnerability keeps it from returning to you.  Vulnerability is the willingness to say, "I accept you before you accept me."  Vulnerability is the starting place of connection and authenticity is the sustenance of that connection. Authenticity dismantles who others want you to be so you can be who you're supposed to be despite your faults and sins. Even though shame tries to label you, you are not your temptation battle.  You are a son or daughter of God the father...and that doesn't change.  

#instagramspiration

Inspiration to live out your convictions  

Community Isn't Cool

The New Young Christian is a vanguard of fearless "captains" that carry the vision, inspire others around them and pioneer the future.  We're introducing one of our fearless leaders today, Jordan Brokaw, as he talks about the power of authentic relationships.

Community isn't cool.  Many churches use this hip word "community" as a synonym for that time of the week where you hangout in a living room and talk about your week or where you go to brunch with others after church on Sunday's and regale each other with thoughts about the sermon.   I'm not saying those things are bad...but that isn't the community I'm talking about. 

Community is picking someone up from the airport at 12 am when you have to be up for work at 5am. Community is holding someone's juice and snot covered infant so they can eat with both hands. Community is crying with your friend crumpled on the floor who is hurt so badly that they need to be picked up from a pool of blood and tears on the floor. Community is knowing when you're car breaks down you have a ride. 

“Community can’t exist without vulnerability...honest, gritty and uncomfortable vulnerability. ”

— Jordan Brokaw

Community can't be a buzz word but instead community must be inconvenient, susceptible, and messy.  The community I'm talking about isn't standing near someone while they stand in their mess but community is standing with them deeply in the mess and letting them know it doesn't matter because their mess is your mess. 

Community can't exist without vulnerability. Honest, gritty and uncomfortable vulnerability.  Its opening up your life to another despite how you feel, where you are or how you are. True community is like family.  You may not like them or agree with them but they're family and nothing changes that.  We're in this together despite circumstances and I will be with you to the end. 

The church in Acts speaks of a community that shared everything, so no one was lacking or in need.  Paul, in Colossians says,

3 We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you,4 because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— 5 the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel 6 that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace. 7 You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant,[a] who is a faithful minister of Christ on our[b]behalf... Colossians 1:3-7

Colossians speaks of a group of people whose faith in Christ and love for one another was renowned because of their faith and their love for one another.  They are choosing to live out the gospel together...that it was changes the world.

Small groups won't change the world. But our steadfast commitment to the Gospel as our motive and loving each other as our bond will. 

Jordan Brokaw is passionate about Jesus, sailing, travel and helping others.  BTL>MSP>DET @jordanrbrokaw

Finding True and Sustainable Intimacy

Today’s questions surrounding our sexuality can be an invitation for us to engage in with others to have conversations that can reveal God’s plan and the power of Jesus.  If you haven’t had a chance to read Parts 1 & 2 then click here...

This invitation for us to engage conversations, whether it’s opposite sex or same sex attraction, is our chance to express the love of Christ, the acceptance of God in the midst of shame, the belonging to community and the restoration of creation back to the creator. 

In our society, how you feel determines who you are.  That is not only dangerous but also completely not true.  How you feel doesn’t dictate who you are.  If you have a feeling of “I hate them” doesn’t mean you should live out a lifestyle of hate towards that person or situation the rest of your life.  You are supposed to forgive. 

Just because you feel like a “slut” after an unwanted sexual encounter doesn’t mean that’s who you are.  The power of forgiveness in Jesus compels you to be forgiven and from that moment forward compel you to live a life of waiting for the right person in the context of marriage.   

Just because you feel "attracted to the same sex" doesn’t mean you’re gay.   You may have a longing to be with other guys because you lacked acceptance and affirmation from other men in your life.  Nothing wrong with wanting to be with guys that you can be yourself with and be vulnerable with in the context of an intimate healthy friendship.  But culture takes that "void feeling" and twists it into you think you need to be sexually intimate with the same sex to feel affirmation and validation.  No, a healthy community will affirm you and remind you who you are who God design you to be.

Just because you feel like you "love them and it just seems right" doesn't mean that you move in with them.  Of course you will feel emotionally connected to your significant other but don't alter your life by moving in with them just because of how you feel.  True love and emotional connection is an intentionality that sets you up for a long sustainability through marriage, commitment, healthy community with similar values on what love and marriage is like, etc.  

You have to remember that your feelings and your temptations are not your identity.  The world says to “look inside you” to find out who you are.  Instead, look to your creator and see how God desires you to function.  We as Christians look to a point outside of ourselves to measure and validate our feelings.  Tim Keller attacks this ideas by saying, “our culture presses its’ members to believe you have to ‘be yourself’ that sexual desires are crucial to a personality identity that any curving strong sexual desires leads to psychological damage.’”   Keller is exposing the lie that to feel satisfied you have act on your feelings to find yourself and be yourself.  We can’t rely on our feelings as the only reliable source to identify who we are sexually.  We have to look to who God made us to be to fully understand how we can function in a healthy way.  Culture brings chaos to our sexuality but Christ brings a simplicity and an order to a very complicated construct. 

Someone said recently, “We can live without sex, but we can’t live without intimacy.”  Intimacy with the next generation is a potent wood the midst of severe abandonment with divorce and lack of fathers making  true intimacy an apologetic that our culture would respond powerfully to. We have to be aware that there is a longing for intimacy with other people which is felt the strongest when expressed through sex.  Intimacy is emotional, relational and most of the times sexual. Our Biblical faith has a sexual ethic that is very clear:  sex is created by God between a man and a woman in a covenantal marriage.  We must resist the desire to rush to the sexual intimacy part of our lives prematurely or or we create dysfunction.

Christians are looking for Biblical ways to satisfy the desire for lifelong companionship.  This desire for intimacy is so strong that it compels some to give up on their Christian beliefs to find intimacy.  That's why casual sex, living together, etc are higher than it's ever been with those who profess a Christian faith.  The Christian community must walk with those who are struggling sexually and affirm healthy relationships through positive and healthy environments. When you are aware of all of the sexual dysfunction and longing for intimacy, you can start unpacking all of the sexual assumptions of our culture, you have an opportunity to show the world a God who cares not just about our future but the very practical part of life like our sex lives.

Throughout my ministry career I have worked in the restaurant world.  One of the staff who I've had the privilege to work with who I’ll call Kelsie, knew I was a pastor and found it fascinating that I was working as a server.  She asked me one day at work that was both an honest question but also seemed to monitor “my reaction” as a Christian and spiritual leader by asking, “Alan, my friend with benefits stopped having sex with me and now I don’t have someone to meet my needs…what should I do?”  I had two choices in that moment on that Friday Night as we were closing the restaurant.  The first could be to point out how sex outside of marriage is wrong and that she should turn her life over to Jesus (which are sincere motives for any follower of Christ but in a“right idea wrong execution” kind of way).  The other choice was to begin a dialogue and focus on her “intimacy” and using the context of her “sexuality” as a place to dialogue with her and asking questions like: “What is it about this guy that you like?”; “Why haven’t you made a commitment to him?”; “How is your relationship not fulfilling to you?”; “Give me one quality of an ideal guy for you”; etc.  Then I began to talk about how my relationship works with Heidi and I for 19 years as we choose to put each others needs before our own and how that is modeled in the Bible, loving and respecting, waiting till marriage for sex, etc.  This conversation moved me to dialogue with her further about her faith.  I found out her parents were involved in a cult and she was very hesitant towards Christians and faith.  I got to talk to her about Jesus and she became one of my favorite people at work. 

It’s not “just about sex” with this generation of young believers and non-believers but about true intimacy.  How do I connect and be vulnerable with someone?  How can someone fulfill my needs and should they fulfill my needs?, etc.   Christians who are living out a Biblical sexual ethic are real examples of what God intended from the beginning.  A true understanding of what you believe what the Bible says about sex and also understanding the pain bad sexual relationships can cause makes you a beautiful example of obedience on display and one of the best expressions of evangelism in our culture.

The enemy in our culture distorts some our relationships to a place that some of us eventually believe that “to be ‘intimate with someone you have to have sex with them.”  There are relationships in the Bible that were very intimate but that were not sexual:  David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1); Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1:16); Paul and Barnabus (Acts 11 & 13); Mary and Mary (Mark 16:1-10); Peter, James and John (Matthew 17:1), etc.  Intimacy is critical for spiritual formation and spiritual forward motion but not all intimacy needs a sexual bond. 

How you manage your “sexual appetite” determines your community success and spiritual success.  You have sexual desires given to you by God that is constantly being stirred up.  Culture is constantly promoting a variety of sexual activities and we have to learn to manage our sex drives as followers of Christ for not just our own spiritual and community health but to be an example to others in culture.   When we can talk about our sexuality in healthy faith communities, it sets up the new young Christian to have a strong ability to overcome the temptation, not if but when the temptation comes.  The reality is this:  Whoever teaches you about sex first, their advice and information becomes the foundation.  That foundation is now the measuring piece against “new information.”  This is why it’s so critical to empower pastors and parents to dialogue early about this critical developmental stage in the life of young believers. 

As we said earlier, we are all sexual beings.  Our sexuality is something that we have in common with every human being…despite their faith background or belief system.  That’s why I really believe our sexuality in culture is prime to be the new apologetic that we as followers of Christ can use as common space common opportunity to talk about and give a place to bring God, our origin story, our identity, how we relate, etc.  

Any thoughts on what you would add to our conversation?

#instagramspiration

Check out parts one and two on sex and #thenewyoungchristian on the journal to encourage you to build better relationships!

I Wish the Church Would Talk More About Sex Part 2

I wish the church would talk more about sex.  If you haven’t checked out part 1, you can read it here before moving on with part 2 to give you context into our conversation.

When God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness (NIV)," He created Adam and Eve.  What said next was to be sexually active so you can procreate and recreate in the context of marriage for the belonging of family. 

I’ve been waiting to say this:  It’s not bad to want to have sex with somebody.  It’s called normal when you have a sexual desire to be with someone.  I think we take the wrong approach to compress and shove our sexual desires down inside us and pretend they’re not there until we are ready to engage in an opposite sex relationship.  For most of us, we will be sexually active.  Most of us will be in a sexual relationship and be sexually active for most of our lives.  That’s why God speaks so much in the Bible about how important sex is as intimacy with another and how important it is to be able to manage YOU and your desire for sex:

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.  5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Hebrews 13:4

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

Genesis 2:24

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

Proverbs 5:18-19

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth.

19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.  Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.

1 Corinthians 7:2

But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

3 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body[a] and live in holiness and honor— 5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.

Matthew 5:28

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Colossians 3:5

So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 6:9-13

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Proverbs 6:32

But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.

So you’re sexually attracted to that person sitting across from you.  Culture tends to make that the defining thing that makes and proves a relationship.   Finding someone sexually attractive is definitely a motivation to possibly pursue someone in a relationship but it’s definitely not the only motivation—it should be coordinated with other desires and similar interests like faith beliefs, sense of humor, family values, etc. But we know sexual desire is part of the package that motivates us to seek the opposite sex in general.  But there is a tension or the “gap” that we as Christians must manage.  Culture is highly sexual while marriage is happily avoided to happening much later in life.  What I mean is that puberty’s happening earlier and earlier and marriage is happening later and later.   So it’s this “gap” that is continuing to broaden which we have to navigate.  The challenge for faith communities is that as this gap exists and continues to widen, we have to have conversations and equip young believers how to live in this gap and stay committed to Christ, holiness and pursuit of devotion to God.  Allow this gap as an opportunity to seek God, love others and build healthy relationships with others.    

I’ve been in conversation with guys where sex is considered as the point of “finally arriving and getting this awesome experience.”  Our sexuality as God’s creation is more than just “wedding night awesomeness.” It’s managing our outside behavior and actions to line up with our inside thoughts beliefs with deliberate disciplines tied to Scripture.  We are all sexual beings and we have to constantly be aware of how we are relating to the opposite sex as part of living with others and building a healthy community.  Sex in my conversations with guys tends to be one-sided.  The “sex is awesome and feels amazing” can sound and be very selfish making “me feel great” and serving my need to “feel amazing” the primary objective...which it is not.  Marriage is about serving the other person and sex is glue of this serving relationship.   If we are not careful with how we talk and dialogue about sex it can breed a selfish individualism making sex the focus rather than the person. Sexual union is holistic with ANOTHER person. I’m sorry but you can’t separate the physical from the spiritual when it comes to sex with another person.  Culture says you can, but you can’t.   In marriage two very complex people become one (Mark 10:8).  They enter into an intimate and intricate relationship that is never meant to be separated.  It’s physical and spiritual.  That’s what sex is.  That’s how your relationship is supposed to be. 

That’s why going back to our origin story in Scripture and what Scripture has to say about sex is so critical.  How you view the accuracy and authority of the Bible determines how perspective on sex and your personal apologetic of how you live out your sexuality.  

Gabe Lyons from the book Good Faith says this:

“As the story of God’s people unfolds the bibles’ sexual ethic grows clearer and remains in line with the Creator’s intentions.  Remember when Jesus started with the seventh commandment )”You must not commit adultery’) and raised the bar to a higher standard?  According to Him, entertaining the fantasies of our minds is spiritually on par with committing the sin (see Matt 5:27-30)  This was and is a countercultural way to think about sex, not because it offers us greater self-fulfillment but because it does just the opposite.  Jesus invites us to relinquish together.

Culture continues to chip away at Biblical truth and convictions to where we have more wonderful lovers of God who consider casual sex, living together for sexual and financial convenience as normal standards not just in our communities but in our Biblical communities. 

I’ve heard young people pray and ask “why doesn’t God just ‘take it away’?”  God made your sex drive powerful for a distinct purpose…to pro-create.  .Sexual desire moves you to be with the opposite sex and in the context of marriage for a wonderful and shameless experience.  That’s why sex comes with a “warning label.” We are warned repeatedly in the Song of Songs (2:7; 3:5; 8:4), “…do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” God is speaking beautifully here that there is an appropriate time, place, and person to awaken love with and we need to learn to control ourselves until the appropriate time and place with someone in marriage.  Marriage is not an outdated contract or legal document but a safe place for you to be the most vulnerable and most fulfilled with someone.  

Part 3 is next....

Instagramspiration

Inspiration for the week because the love of Christ is the most potent expression in ANY relationship ... no matter who they are or what they've done.  #thenewyoungchristian

#blunt on conflict

If you're in relationships you're going to be in conflict. My goal is to make peace with whoever I'm in conflict with.  If you're a peacemaker then you're a son of God (Matthew 5:9). Disagreement with someone does not mean misalignment with someone. I can disagree with my wife but I'm still in union with her. I can disagree with my boss end it doesn't mean I'm not unified with my organization.   A peacemaker's goal at the end of the day is reconciliation because a son values his family. So confront your bad attitude before it becomes a bad behavior leading to bad fight. 

In most conflicts we are trying to "be right"  but it's more important to "do right."  So if you are at odds with someone go make it right then proving you were right. As a matter fact God says He values your right relationship with someone else more than your worship (Matthew 5:23-24).   Your community matters to God more than you think. Forgiving quickly and often is one of the most potent ways to show others Christianity really works.   Let your conflict be an invitation to cultivate a deeper community with those around you and not an excuse to dissolve your community. 

I Wish the Church Would Talk More About Sex Part 1

I wish the church would talk more about sex.  It’s in the Bible.  We are quick to talk about how much God hates beer or how much God loves Chris Tomlin-err-I mean praises from His people.  But God loves sex.  Sounds weird and you might seem weirded out.  Just hold on and take a breath.  I'm saying sex is created by God for us and we aren’t jumping at the chance to talk about what a healthy sexual relationships looks like in the context of a thriving, God-centered marriage.    Here’s what I have been talking about in my current contexts in my own conversations about sex:

The world CORRUPTS sex and perverts it.

Religion CONTEMPTS sex and shames it.

God CELEBRATES sex and affirms it.

So why don’t we create space in our relationships so we can celebrate what God has given us in for our community with honesty about what God created and designed us for?  God gave us a sex drive.  Plain and simple.   God does not want to mute your sex drive like the "pings" on our iphone but instead God desires for you to master it and direct it in a positive direction to show the world how good God is and why God can be trusted with our sex lives. 

I think the world sees that Christians are afraid to talk about sex.  I think the church sees that Christians are afraid to talk about sex.  So we resort to having to get it from Dr OZ, the internet, the latest Nicholas Sparks book, the latest Judd Apatow movie or from the latest song about how to eat cake by an ocean with someone you like.  Why, when God made it clear that He knows what He made and how we are to function in our sexuality.  

As a youth communicator for many years, we had our talks on sex.  It’s the “ducktape illustration” of trying to pull both pieces of tape apart after they have been pressed together; it’s the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” quotes combined with the "I Gave Dating A Chance" quotes; it’s the Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you” scriptures so you can rest assured your break-up is not causing the apocalypse although it feels like it; it’s the youth pastor making sure we know how great sex is with his "smoking hot wife" and the people trying NOT to use their imagination as he continues to talk about his "smoking hot wife."  Now, the brave youth pastors will insert in their messages the part about masturbation but because that word can get some pastors in trouble, they would call it “lust.”  I can’t even count the number of times guys have had me pray for their “lust issues” and that’s when I chose a long time ago to respond with, “So you’re masturbating, huh?  Ok, let’s talk about how to deal with it….”  All good intentions but many leading to vague ideas about sex with foggy Biblical thoughts about what I’m supposed to feel and why I can’t talk about what I’m hearing my friends talk about on the weekends.

Some churches have taken a strong approach in discussing marriage with their churches.  This is great and the right thing to do!  God knows we need stronger marriages.  But marriage and sex are very different topics.  Most messages focus on the relationships in the marriage with sex becoming the add-on like a 3 season porch that gets built that isn’t part of the house or foundation but is still there.  Sex and marriage are not mutually exclusive but it becomes mutually exclusive in many of our messages and church sermons.  

Although talking about marriage is essential, there is still an underwhelming amount of churches who are not establishing a Biblical apologetic about sex and sexuality in our culture.  “Be fruitful and multiply” is something that we cannot forget as one of the first Biblical commands from God for the human race. The fact that we get pleasure from sex means that it’s not just a natural response but it’s an actual gift from God.   Which is why we just simply have to stop making it the thing we “can’t talk about” and make it the subject of healthy conversations in our community so that we can learn what a healthy marriage with a healthy sex life is like. 

Biblical Christianity values sex by writing about it and talking about it more than any other major religion in our world.  That's why it seems to have strong guidelines to it because it is something so sacred that it has to be treated with the utmost care and concern.  But in our culture we don’t value it as we should.  We tend to refer to sex as “doing the deed” or “knocking boots” (boots in the bed doesn’t sound like the best idea…) or “getting lucky” (thanks Daft Punk for reminding me of this every time I hear this song at my 5K runs).  What I'm saying is that we have to see "sexual activity" as so much more that just "doing it." It involves how we appreciate and live out our own God-entrusted sexuality that God created, distributed and entrusted to us as human beings. 

We are all sexual beings.  Our sexuality is something that we have in common with every human being despite their faith background or belief system.  That’s why I really believe our sexuality in culture is prime to be the new apologetic that we as followers of Chrst can use as common space common opportunity to talk about and give a place to bring God, our origin story, our identity, how we relate, etc.  

I love what the Bible says about this idea of sex and it’s sacred nature: 

There is more to sex than mere skin to skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE." ... We must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever — the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. (1 Corinthians 6:16-18)

Sex is more spiritual than culture thinks it is.   Culture treats it like it’s just physical.  Just a “hook up.”  Friends with benefits that last for a few minutes and then moves on like the latest Netflix episode they just finished or were  -ahem - supposed to watch.   Sexual sin is different…the repurcussions are different.  That’s why God makes it clear in the Bible by explaining there is a reason why break-ups are hard.  Why finding your “soulmate” is hard when you keep having casual sex.  You’re not “test-driving” but instead you are "sex-driving" allowing your longing for sex to steer your decisions and actions sabotaging a future with someone.  You are continuing to damage yourself at the expense of wanting to feel loved and to belong with someone.  It’s not bad to want to have sex with someone.  That’s your wiring talking and how you were made.  But it’s managing your sexdrive is what we are lacking as a culture and that's what hurts us.  

C. S. Lewis refers to this when he says, "The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union."

I think sexuality could be one of the best apologetics of our culture.  To talk with those you care about about their sex lives.  Because as Christians we know how serious it is and we know what it does to us physically, emotionally and spiritually.  

Let's talk about sex part 2 is next....

5 Disciplines To Start This Summer

If I were in my 20’s again, there would be some practices and disciplines that I would build into my everyday life as The New Young Christian.  I would execute these disciplines regularly that it would become natural for me decades later.  

HERE ARE 5 DISCIPLINES THE NEW YOUNG CHRISTIAN SHOULD START IN THEIR 20'S:

1.  Journaling. When I became a Christian at 22 years old, I didn't want to forget what God was telling me.  So I bought a notebook and began to write Scriptures down.  From there, I also began to write short prayer phrases down.  From there, it has become a discipline where I don't go anywhere without my prayer journal.  Let me tell you what this was not:  A "Dear Jesus Diary" where I share my heart secrets and talk about what I want in my future spouse.  Nope.  Although that's not wrong by any means, for a dude in his 20's like me at the time, that was not what I was aiming for.  For me, this was and has become, a daily practice where I simply have a blank page in front of me and I ask God to "speak to me."   I write down verses that stand out to me, I write down impressions that I believe God is speaking to my heart, worship song lyrics that "I can't shake" that I believe is the song of God to my season, etc.   Impressions in prayer that seem to come to mind that I keep praying.  God commands us to write what we see and hear and run forward with it (Habakuk 2:2).  I have realized journaling what I see and hear in devotions, sermons, conferences, etc, are "vision reveals" where God pulls back the curtain of his plan to reveal to me who I am, what I'm doing and where I'm going.  I have also developed a part of this habit that I say, "speak Lord" and whatever I perceive God speaking to my heart, I write it down.  This has allowed me to develop a listening ear to hear God's voice regularly and most importantly recognize that voice so when I'm out with others (leading, loving, speaking, encouraging, etc) I recognize God's counsel when it comes (John 10:27).  Because of this habit that I started at 22 I now have a collection of journals that I will give to my son and daughter as part of my spiritual legacy.  My children will have years of journals to see what God spoke to their father not only about me, but our family and about them!  

2.  "Tribing." This is my own word that I use to define and rally those relationships that are meaningful to me, that champion my current season and that dream with me for my future.  Seth Godin, from his book Tribes, says this about these relationships, "A tribe is a group of people connected to one another, connected to a leader and connected to an idea....  A group needs only two things to be a tribe:  a shared interest and a way to communicate."   I break my tribes down into some of the following categories:  Inner Circle (those who I am most real with), Mentors (mature relationships who have permission to speak into my life), Models (who is doing what I am doing ahead of me and doing it well), Timothys (those who I can speak into, encourage and inspire who will outlast me) and The Prayer Circle (those relationships that I can share prayer needs with who I know pray and hear from God), to name a few.  Friendships often start early. And take work. In my 20's, my relationships seem to have deeper meaning and importance to me. I need people who can speak into my life who know me well.  So make sure to surrounded yourself with the right friends.  Let those in your tribe be from all walks of life.  They may or  may not be the people from your 20’s, but be on the lookout for relationships that have potential to inspire you and for you to aspire to be....

3.  Giving. You can never be too early to start giving.  What are those areas of your life that move you to tears, move your heart and go make a difference in your family, community and world?  I have always been drawn to ministries and causes that help those who are orphaned or alone.  Now my family and I have developed and give weekly to our  "Cause Cooperative."  Our family Cause Co-Op funds our personal causes and charities that have an intentionality in developing the heart of the fatherless, orphan and the abandoned.  This includes child sponsorship, monthly cause support and even a generosity fund that we can give from if we encounter someone with a need.  Not only does this allow is to diversify our generosity but the singular cause focus is leaving a memorable legacy for my family that we can look back on that my children will always remember.  I have realized generosity is one of the most rewarding parts of my life.  To own and champion a cause that is close to you and your family's heart will establish a legacy of generosity that starts with you that will outlast you.  Let your Cause Co-Op become a staple in your friendships and family. I highly recommend starting this discipline early before the world and all its demands attempts to take the ability from you.

4.  "IDing." Specifically here I’m referring to understanding your identity by who God designed you to be and living out this identity in the world.  Mark Batterson, mentor and friend to me, has always said to me, "No one can worship God like you or for you."  That means that when you are truly yourself in the Kingdom, that's when the Kingdom of God is being the most complete and most recognizable as Jesus.  There are many versions of me:  the ME others want me to be, the ME I want to be, the ME I don't want to be, etc.  But there is a version of ME that God wants me to be and that's what I'm desiring to become.  This me is not mass-produced like a greeting card in a Target with multiple cards exactly like it, each behind one another at every target in the nation.  No...I'm not a mass-produced creation but a masterpiece creation.  Unique, one-of-a-kind, valuable and ready to be shown off to the world (Ephesians 2:10).  Because I live in Arizona, what it takes to grow a cactus would kill a Marigold.  This is why comparing yourself to others is never healthy.  What you need to make you grow into who God wants you to become is going to be different than what it's going to take others.  Discover your gifts and talents.  Take spiritual gifts tests and see what hits the top of the list and also be aware at what's at the bottom.  Take the Strengthfinders test to highlight what makes you flourish.  And always remember, all of this means nothing unless you start with your identity as a "son of God" or "daughter of God" first.   Start there and see what God will reveal to you about your gifts, talents, calling and place in God's Kingdom.  This discipline of identifying who I am regularly will cause me to be more secure the older I get and the result is a greater confidence to do what God wants me to do.  When you discover who God wants you to be you won't want to be anyone else.

5.  Honoring. This discipline of honoring others is rare.  It seems one of the biggest battles the next generation has to fight against, is the feeling of being entitled.  Now, I think it's easy to make sweeping statements like, 'this generation is entitled' and point the finger at others and not really understand the deep rooted issues.  Entitlement is the belief that I am exempt from responsibility an I am owes special treatment.   I think the best way to battle feeling entitled is to honor others.  Honor says I am going to take responsibility and esteem , give respect and special credit to the other person with distinct worth.  Find those around you who have wisdom,  accomplishment and leadership and recognize what they have done with sincere gratitude.  Most of the time these individuals will be older and have some expression of authority so not only submit to them but pray for them.  Hebrews 13:17 says this about honoring those around you, especially those in spiritual authority,  "Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.  In life, there will always be those who will have authority over you and experience beyond you.  Don't be jealous of their position or place but celebrate them.  When you’re young you can be guilty of thinking you know more than you really know.  The older you get, the more you realize how much you don’t know. There is always something to be learned from another person’s experience you don’t have.  The experiences and wisdom from others you collect over the years from honoring others will add value, inspire you and make you wiser.  

Any you would add to my list?

FINDING A MENTOR IN YOUR LIFE

These days, it seems like everybody is starting their own businesses. In fact, it’s almost surprising to meet a twentysomething who actually has a boss.

In many ways, this is awesome. This generation is one of the most entrepreneurial in a long time.

But, as great as it is to strike out on your own, sometimes people skip the crucial step of learning from someone who has gone before them. If you don't have a mentor yet, consider finding one.  

How do you find a mentor?  

1.  FIND SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE BEFORE YOU

Millions of young men and women are confident, smart and talented. Most of them try to “make it” alone. They spend many years trying to figure out a craft, and then start excelling in their late 30s or 40s. But if you can attach yourself to a master (of any profession), you can speed up your mastery and accelerate the process by a decade.

2.  FIND MENTORS WHO BELIEVE IN YOU

Who you allow to speak into your life is a sacred choice. I see many young leaders damaged by submitting themselves to the next strong personality. The strong personality may be impressive and self-confident, but with no personal concern for you. Worse, they may simply flatter and use you to build their own platform.

The same way a good mentor imparts wisdom, character and craft, a bad mentor will impart their habits, reactions and particular worldviews, as well. A bad mentor can be like visiting a bad chiropractor: You leave worse than you start and your back be like, "why did you go there?".

When a mentor believes in you, it does not feel like a possessive or controlling thing. He does not insist you do this or that. She feels more like a patient, listening friend. These mentors often become great guides and friends. They are not just advice-dispensing machines, they are people who are genuinely interested in you.

3.  .FIND A MENTOR WHO HELPS YOU DISCOVER YOUR VOICE

Many young voices are echoes, striving to sound like others. But echoes have a diminishing nature, they get weaker with each reverberation.  They find their voice for reason.  

Who is your mentor in your life ?

Why You Need A Father In the Faith Part 3

As we mentioned in last weeks post you lack a spiritual father in your life because you don’t know how to be a good son.   If you haven't checked out parts 1 & 2 of Why You Need A Father check them out here first and then come back.... 

Father’s aren’t perfect but neither are sons. In the Bible, God is pictured as a great father and He has 2 sons (Luke 15:11-31).  The youngest son wants to live on his own terms and decides he doesn’t need his father.  He asks for what he deserves without the honor of the father.  He wants the reward of the father without the relationship.  The son chooses to be fatherless and it leaves him penniless.  He returns still not wanting to be a son because he feels he doesn’t deserve it.  But a true father never leaves a son.  The Father celebrates his son’s return with a genuine celebration and continued investment into his future as always being part of the father’s household.  As he learned, the reward and the relationship of having your father in your life cannot be separated.  Submission leads to commission.  Regard to your father leads to the reward of your father. 

Let’s talk about the older son.  Even though he stayed in the presence of home and of his father...he wasn’t really present.  He didnt seem to understand the heart of his father.  He didn’t know the important matters of his father.  For example, he didn’t understand the joy of his father when the younger son returned.  He was working in the house but not wanting to be there.  A son who is in proximity but not truly present is just as removed as the younger son.  A son celebrates what his father celebrates.  A son rejoices in what his father rejoices.  His actions were that he was home but his heart was far from it.  

“Fathers don’t see themselves as achieving something but advancing someone. ”

The mark of a good son is just just being with the father but taking responsibility as family.  Jesus talks about the attribute of a good son is being an owner.  Taking responsibility for you and your actions when you need to.  Jesus talks about ownership and being responsible below:

“A man runs because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep…just as the Father knows me and I know the Father so I sacrifice my life for the sheep.”  John 10:12-15

A true son cares for what his father cares about.  My dad gave me his car to use for the night.  In MN it doesn't take much to put a Mazda in the ditch after a snowstorm.  It was late when I got home and I went to bed.  My dad woke me up early and asked me right away, "where's my car?"  I told him it was in the ditch and that he would have to get it out because I couldn't.  He proceeded to tell me what I should have done to fix my problem and get his car and not make it his problem. Needless to say, I didn't use the car for a while because it wasn't owning our car, i was borrowing his.  I realized that day that owning my choices and being responsible is what good sons do.  

My son looks like me.  We had blonde hair when we were younger and it’s slowly getting darker the older he gets.  We both have great eyes (just ask my wife…she’ll tell you).  We can bend our toes the same way.  We act like each other…sometimes.  But not all the time, because he does do things that do not reflect me.  Their are times when my son wants to eat 6 oreos before dinner (I eat broccoli as a snack always before dinner-ok, I only eat 2...dang, that's a bad habit).  My son cries when he doesn’t get what he wants.  Their are times when my son punches his sister.  When he stubs his toe, he cusses like a sailor (wait that's me...just kidding I fake swear with 'that freaking hurt'...most of the time).  Their are times he doesn’t want to contribute to the house but lay around all day and play his latest LEGO wii game.  My goal as a father is to not let my son continue in these bad habits but to steer him into good habits.  Each moment I have I am making him someone who is responsible, honest, loving, kind, healthy, strong and trustworthy.  Because that’s what fathers should be.  My goal isn’t to raise a grown 6 year old but to raise up a future father.  That’s what good fathering does…he wants his son to be an example of him.  

Jesus said about being a Son in a world that is looking for a Father, 

7 If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!”  8 Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.” 9 Jesus replied, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don’t know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father!”  John 14:7-9 NLT

Being a good son is a reflection of the father.   God did not send a father into the world but he sent his son that's why being a son is one of the most special things to become because being a son reveals the father.   Jesus said If you see Him, the son, then you see the father (I John 2:23).  There are passages of Scripture where Chrsit is acknowledging himself as a Son.  These moments are significance because it is revealing specific attributes about faith and Kingdom in the Bible in the context of Christ’s identity of “Son."  Christ in the context as a son reveals to us: 

+  Salvation  John 3:16

+  True life  1 john 5:12

+  Rest for the weary  Matthew 11:25-30

+  Authority of Heaven Luke 10:18-22

+  Complete freedom John 8:36 

+  Walking on Water Matthew 14:31-33

+  Dominion John 3:35

+  Honest Matthew 16:16 

+  Purpose in people John 1:47-49

+  Reconciliation Romans 5:10

+  Jesus true nature Luke 9:35

+  The only way to heaven john 14:6-13

+  God is all in all 1 corinthians 15:28

+  Jesus authority in heaven Luke 22:66-71

+  Eternal Life 1 john 5:13

+  God is in you 1 John 4:15

All of these are attribute of who God is.  Christ as a Son reveals the true nature of our Father God.  We know the love, compassion, favor, forgiveness, mercy and grace of of our Father God because of Jesus the Son.  

The beauty of being a son is the you are the recipient of a favor that is being passed on.  Blessings are not stagnant but travel through generations from son to son.  They start with fathers and then are passed on to their sons so that their sons become fathers and pass them on as well.  Fathers don’t see themselves as achieving something but advancing someone.  A son is an expression of a father’s achievement that lives far beyond him.  Abraham is promised a blessing that is passed on from generation to generation to generation (Genesis 26:4).  God’s definition of who He is, is found by who lives on beyond him as sons.  Sons are the extension and expression of God’s promise!  

That’s the difference … a true son doesn’t stop at imitation.  Jesus said, "If you see me you see the Father” (John 14:7-9).   But a few verses later, Jesus also knows being a son it not just imitation but it’s impartation:  

“You will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you.  Whoever has my command and obeys them, he is the one who loves me.  He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”  John 14: 20-21

Impartation says that it goes beyond what you do but it sits deeper in you with who you are.  It’s revelation that moves someone to put a “part” of themselves “in” the one they are relating to.  In the Bible, it’s about a deep transformation that can only be done by God and for God.  Paul knows this in Scripture as a spiritual father to many.  He says, “I long to be with you so I can impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong when we get together  to encourage you in your faith.”  Romans 1:11-12.  It’s not just about information (knowledgeable moments with your father) and it’s not just about imitation (repeatable actions of your father) but it’s also about impartation (encounters with your father that live beyond you).   

I think that’s the difference between passing a baton or a torch as a father to a son.  Passing the baton to the generation coming after you is a good metaphor but stops short because once it’s passed, the one running with it stops and the the other starts and continues running.  One runner powers down and shuts off while the new carrier powers up and goes for it leaving the one running prior in the distance.  But passing a torch means you "stay lit" and shine to continue to light fires elsewhere.  In this context, the fire of the father continues to burn as his son receives the fire that he has they both transfer the fire to others.  That’s what happens in movements.  Both old and young working together to impart something beyond themselves to transform others.  In essence the son is imitating the father as he ignites others which is what the father did for him.  

Fathers need sons. But more importantly, sons need fathers.  

Who is your father in the faith?  

Why You Need A Father In The Faith Part 2

Following God is not easy.  There is something about having someone along the journey to encourage you to say, “If I can do it, you can do it.”   That’s why having a group of people around you to inspire you to pursue God is so essential.  God gives us pastors, teachers, apostles, prophets and evangelists to do this (Ephesians 4:11).   God gives us a brotherhood/sisterhood (1 Peter 2:17) in the faith to give us friends, accountability and relationships where we can be vulnerable and honest. 

While these are all necessary and as we go along the journey of faith we will acquire these relationships and they will be sent by God for reason and most for a season.  God gives us moments of spiritual significance in these relationships: some for a moment, some for season and some for a lifetime. The relationship that seems to have a special significance in Scripture that is unique to Scripture is the relationship of Paul and Timothy. 

Paul makes a distinction about his relationship with Timothy:  you have a lot of spiritual encouragement but a relationship that is unique in the Bible is the relationship of being a “son in the faith” to a “father in the faith.”  We talked about this in yesterday’s post about Timothy being a son to Paul because of the Gospel.  Paul continues to reference Timothy as a son throughout the Bible,

“Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.“ Philippians 2:21

There is no doubt that Paul and Timothy have a relationship that is worth investigating.  But how does sonship look in Scripture?  Here’s a brief overview of Timothy and his sonship in the Bible:

+ Timothy is mentioned 6 times in the book of Acts as he continues to accompany Paul as he goes on mission with Paul planting churches, teaching people the Bible and planting churches plus there are 2 full letters/books of the Bible written specifically to him. 

+ Timothy is a reminder of how to live like a true follower of Christ as in 1 Corinthians 4:17,  “I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus.”

+ Timothy carries on the work of Paul when Paul is not present.  1 Corinthians 16:10

+  Timothy had a good reputation with others. Acts 16:2

+ Timothy preached the word with boldness.  2 Corinthians 1:19

+ Timothy represented Paul when he couldn’t be there.  Philippians 2:19

+ Timothy prayed with Paul to see believers overcome and flourish.  Colossianss 1:1; 9-12; 2 Thessalonians 1:1,11

+  Timothy is an encourager to Paul and the other churches. 1 Timothy 3:2, 6

+  Timothy is authentic as a “true son” in the faith. 1 Timothy 1:2

+  Timothy corrects people to bring them back to the truth. 1 Timothy 1:3

+  Timothy is not spiritually shallow but is a man of pursuit.  1 Timothy 6:11

+  Timothy was a man on fire.  2 Timothy 1:2, 6-7

+  Timothy guarded what Paul taught him and was diligent to not let go of what he learned from his father, “What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.” 2 Timothy 1:13-14

These are a few examples of what a son in the faith could look like.  Timothy is one of the most standout characters of the bible.  I truly believe he earned this  because he chose to pursue a relationship with a man who was following Christ with everything he had.  

Timothy’s mom was a believer but it seems his father wasn’t (Acts 16:1).  I can relate to that as my own mother became a follower of Jesus when I was 16 and I surrendered my life to Christ when I was 22.  But my father wasn’t a believer for many years.  Like many young people in this generation that are spiritual orphans so to speak.  There is a need for spiritual fathers in the faith because there is a longing in the hearts of many young believers to desire a pattern to follow.

So when I encountered great men of god in my life, I chose to follow the characteristics of Timothy in Scripture and the result are “fathers in the faith” who helped me know Christ but stay committed to Christ for the long haul. I have been a pastor for over 20+ years and just as Timothy was loyal, I have been loyal to the pastors and leaders in my life. 

Brad Davis was the man who became my father in the faith by leading me to Jesus and helping me take my journey to follow Christ.   Jerry Strandquist showed me how to be a pastor a healthy church and stay the course.   Rob Ketterling became my father in the faith as he showed me how to be a leader and live out a life of leadership and faith.  Mark Batterson became my father in the faith by showing me how to live a life of prayer and to stay on mission for God. 

If you want good fathers in your life, then you need to be a good son.  Following Christ as the disciples did with the rabbi and as Timothy did with Paul means giving them a high priority of relationship to serve and honor no matter what.   That’s the difference between being a hireling and a true son (John 10:11-15).  A hireling is a guy that’s in it for the paycheck or the reward. The second it gets tough or the second it gets difficult, they are gone.  If the relationship doesn’t go the way they want it to they are gone.  If they don’t get the amount of money they deserve, they are gone.  They don’t appreciate correction and are not teachable. 

“We lack spiritual fathers’ in our lives because we don’t know how to be a son. ”

Sons are different.  Sons go the extra mile.  Son’s own the burden.  Sons feel the pain of their father.  Sons shoulder the weight.  Sons believe the best and fill in the blanks with the best intentions.  Sons carry a sense of responsibility and urgency when they serve.  A son is teachable and thinks of the bigger picture. 

We lack spiritual fathers’ in our lives because we don’t know how to be a son. 

More to come in part 3… 

Why You Need A Father In the Faith...

Today I was at my son’s school.  I try to avoid schools because they bring back memories of me being awkward (that still happens and “owning it”by the way),  being obnoxious (I was the crowd “hype guy” while my buddies played ball since this kid ain’t got skills but has mad lung capacity to shout down a dude causing him to miss critical points in a game) and being in detention (I wasn’t a bad kid I just forged get out of school passes for my friends and got busted but I did become the “Ferris Bueller” of my school in the 80’s but I digress…).   My son was getting a character award for school and I showed up at the assembly.  When he got the award, he stood up and the one thing I made sure of was this:  I’m here son, I’m present, I see you and I’m proud of you.  I want him to have the memory that I am here.  I am present and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.   I did what I could do be there.  I wouldn’t have missed it.  But some dad’s weren’t there.  I’m not saying some of them didn’t have good reasons but some of these kids lacked their dad’s presence that day.   

There is a lack of father’s presence in the world.  Maybe it’s because of the high amount of divorce (Christian and non-Christian) that has caused a lack of father’s in the home today.  Maybe it’s because many fathers were asked to leave, had issues and were highly dysfunctional.  Maybe it’s because father’s have simply given up on their families.  Maybe some are good fathers who are in a bad marriage and they had no other choice but to leave.  However the home became barren of fathers, isn’t the point.  The point is there is a lack of fathers and this has left many sons and daughters fatherless.  It has left a gap, a wound and a longing for a true father.  For the first time in history, we have the largest fatherless generation in history resulting in a global orphanage with sons and daughters crying out for fathers to love them.   

This post isn’t a post “to dads” but a post about “spiritual covering.”   So if you are woman, please read “fatherhood” as also “motherhood.”  When you read “sons” also read “daughters” as well.  It’s about spiritual covering in general.  This generation doesn’t know that they need a spiritual covering, because all they know is fatherlessness.  So what we see around us is a generation that is lacking. struggling and longing to be seen and heard.   The lack of fathers results in a lack of sons.  A lack of sons means they grow up to be fathers who have sons but these fathers will parent their sons with dysfunction resulting in more broken children.   And it continues.  That’s not God’s intention.  His heart for you is for you to have a father that you can submit to, trust, have affirmation from and to believe in you. 

God speaks about having guides and teachers in your life when you are young.  They are an encouragement for young people on their journey as they pursue Christ.  Not only are these teachers critical but they are many.  However...God says that although you have had a lot of great teachers on your journey, you don’ t have many fathers:

“14 I am writing this not to shame you but to warn you as my dear children. 15 Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. 16 Therefore I urge you to imitate me. 17 For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus.”  - 1 Corinthians 4:14-17

Teachers are valuable but fathers are more valuable to find.  But they are also necessary to pass on faith to others. Paul is writing to Romans in Corinth.  These people wouldn’t understand “discipleship” because they weren’t Jewish.  The word “disciple” is referenced 269 times in John thru Acts…it doesn’t appear once in the rest of the New Testament.  The reason for this may be because when God sent Peter to reach the Gentiles and Paul to reach the world, they were heading into cities and writing letters to those who didn’t understand Jewish culture.  Disciple is a Jewish word Rabbi’s would understand because of how they learn.  A rabbi had a relationship with his “learner” or disciple (or we would say in our modern context, “apprentice”) and you become like the Rabbi imitating his life and actions as he imitates the spiritual life of someone who is following Jehovah and the Torah. 

The Romans and the gentiles were different.  From their youth, the Romans sons and daughters had many teachers who would teach them reading, writing, logic, etc.  Once they turned 12 they would then be considered adults and would learn the trades of their fathers and mothers (woman typically learned home management, nurture for children, cooking etc).    These sons would stand shoulder to shoulder and learn the trades of their fathers and mothers.   It would come through watching and learning through impartation of the skills of the father and mother.  They would learn through imitating their parents, behavior and actions and eventually they would put them into practice.  The Romans would understand what it meant to “make sons” more than “make disciples” and Paul knew that. 

That is what Paul is saying to them and to us:  to be spiritual parents as we make disciples.  He is saying children look to their parents to model and imitate their parents and the same is true with spiritual formation.   You have many teachers but your father and mothers are unique, critical examples of what you will become.

Paul says a few chapters later in the letter, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). 

“A teacher gives you information but a father gives you imitation. ”

“Sonship” is an attribute that The New Young Christian is not only wanting but needing.  You have teachers, good ones.  They are a gift and necessary.  Listening to podcasts of great teachers is solid instruction.  Reading books(and blogs!) from great teachers are amazing for spiritual growth.  But don’t settle for a life of“just teachers.”  That’s just information.  You need impartation.  You need an example to show you how to live.  You need a “father in the faith” so you can be a “son in the faith.” 

If spiritual fatherhood was essential for Timothy for authentic spiritual growth and becoming who he needed to be...then we need it as well.  

Part 2 is here....

How To Quit Porn Once and For All Part 3

We’ve been engaging in the conversation of porn and lust.   And really we are challenging the assumption that “porn is expected” and “my addiction will always be a part of my life.”  I realize lust is powerful and it seems to be everywhere.  But that’s where living intentionally must become a natural part of your life.  I have to be intentional with what I see, what I do, how I live, how I love, how I father, how I worship, how I seek God, etc. 

If you haven’t checked out parts 1 & 2 yet, please read them to lay a foundation for this part 3.

Cold turkey quitting doesn’t work for most it seems.  It can be discouraging, overwhelming and defeating.   That’s why you need an action plan.  So here is a 7 point action plan to walk in freedom from pornography:

Live daily in freedom. 

The reality is you are built to talk to God.  When you ask God to forgive you, He does!  Scripture says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” When you ask God to forgive you, it puts you back in alignment to God’s holiness and godliness.  That’s God’s gift to you.  That’s mercy and grace which are new every day for you.  God says this about you:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.  Lamentations 3:22-23

Mercy is forgiveness you don’t deserve but God gives it and grace is the blessing of God and his affirmation of you that you didn’t earn…and it’s all because of Jesus.   So when you choose to pray every day (regardless of what happened yesterday), you stay close to God and reminded of who you are and what Jesus has done. 

Stop letting temptations disqualify you

Their is a big difference between temptation and sin.  Even Jesus was tempted in all things as we are yet did not sin (Hebrews 4:15).  Our temptations that we experience are not sins.  The difference is when we agree with the desire instead of resisting it.  That’s why lust is so devious because it's an inward issue making the distinction between temptation and sin hard to tell the difference.  Here’s what I mean: Sex is enticing to you because God put the desire in you to be fruitful as a human being (Genesis 1:28).   So to desire sex isn’t wrong.  If you were to be tempted to have sex, the temptation isn’t wrong but to give in and start to think what would sex be like with that person, what they look like underneath that H&M ensamble, etc.  That would be the sin because you stopped resisting your mind and heart and started to let go and not restrain yourself which is sin according to the Bible (Matthew 5:27-28).   Stop beating yourself up over temptation and get serious about resisting sin and pursuing Jesus.

Recognize shame in your life

There is a difference between feeling bad and being bad.  We love oreo’s at my house.  When my son sneaks an oreo before dinner when he knows he can’t have one, he feels bad.  That’s called guilt…he knows he’s guilty and if I find out, he’s doing 100 sit-ups in my living room.  He’s still my “strong, brave, lover of Jesus” (that’s what his name Magnus Anders Kristian means).  That hasn’t changed because guilt says, “I did a bad thing.”  But shame is different shame says, “I am bad.”  If my son had these thoughts in his head, “ I am a liar and a thief.  I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”  I would say "that is a lie, son.  You are still strong, brave and a lover of Jesus...that hasn't changed, boy."    Magnus is not bad, he’s still my son to me. Just because he was tempted and gave in to eat his oreo doesn’t mean he’s bad it just means he’s guilty.  Don’t judge the feeling but judge the truth of the moment:  you are guilty but forgiven because of your heavenly Father and His forgiveness through Jesus. 

Accept your identity from God not your sin

Your temptation doesn’t define you.  As a Chrsitian, if you are tempted to want to have sex, that doesn’t make you a porn addict (see previous point).   Your temptation isn’t your identity.  I have talked to guys who have said to me, “Alan, I’m a porn addict.”  When I ask them about it, they say because they have looked at porn or have had lustful thoughts a month ago.  I reply first if they asked God to forgive them and they usually say yes.  Then I say, “Man, if you know Christ, you are a ‘son’ of God…not a porn addict (Romans 8:15).  Your temptations or even past sins do not define you if you are follower of Christ…that’s what you were not who you are (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).  Your temptation doesn’t define you…God does.   Your bad behaviors are not your identity.  If you live you act your alias then you become that and spend your life proving your not and trying not to be that.  But when you get in the presence of Jesus and others who love Jesus, they remind you that you are not your temptation but you are God’s son and daughter.

Avoid Isolation

God put others in our life to encourage you.  Most guys don’t want to talk about it.  But you need to.  That’s why God put people in your life so that you can “give an account” of life if it’s in the black or the red (for my accounting nerds, that pun is for you).  God uses others to encourage (to put “in courage”) us and help us overcome.  I have friends I can call at a moment’s notice and tell then if I’m struggling and I am healthy today because of them in my life.  And I couldn’t do it without them.  Even Scripture speak about “confessing your sins so you can be healed” (James 5:16)  We know only Christ can forgive sins, but telling another person helps us to not only “speak it out loud” but helps us process it with them to affirm God’s forgiveness of sins in our lives.

Live in grace

The rhythms of grace make living in freedom not “work” but as simple as breathing.  Grace permeates every area of your life as a Christian.  This beautiful expression of grace (God being for you and with you ) is for you only because of Jesus.  The sin of pornography in your life is taken away because of Christ’s work of becoming your sin so you don’t have to carry it and let it dominate it you (2 Corinthians 5:21).   But shame has a way of trying to keep sin around and have you keep repenting for the same sin you repented of last month.  You are forgiven and free from sin because Jesus says it's the truth (John 8:36). 

 Stop asking God to take what you're meant to have

You can pray and God WILL forgive you.  Young people seem to pray, “take this longing But God willtake the feelings of desiring sex from you because it’s God plan for you to be a sexual creature (unless you have a grace to be single which is for some).  We are sexual beings with sexual desires.  He gave us perametersf rot his to fulfill our sexual needs inside of Scripture and it will be the most fulfilling when staying inside those boundaries.  But outside of that it will bring shame.  The culture has distoreted and confused a generation to think that porn is normal.  Not just sites that are raunchy but “rated M for mature” on our TV shows prove to us that “rockin’ under the sheets” is OK but let’s be honest, it’s soft-core porn and we have to know how to navigate that.

Think Long-term
We want to live in the moment.  We are conditioned to live in the moment.    But God always speaks of seasons, seed, growth and harvest.  We are meant to go for the long haul of life and it’s not easy.  Pornography allows for an easy way out.  It’s the pleasure of a sexual relationship without the commitment or hard work of a real relationship.  I’ve been married for almost 20 years and the truth is marriage takes effort.  It’s the long obedience with God that matters in the end.  We are being conditioned that overnight success is normal and in turn, overnight relationships and it’s benefits are normal.  Porn says you can have the benefits of sex without the cost of a relationship.  The lie is that it costs you so much more and the end result is loss, hurt, pain and selfishness.  Our culture celebrates the benefits without the hard work.  Overcoming the painful effects of lust in your life will take time but it can be done.  Don’t cut short the legacy God always had in mind for you and your family for 45 seconds of pleasure.   It’s just not worth it. 

Any other one’s you would add?

How To Quit Porn Once and For All Part 2

We have been looking at how to approach the issue of porn as The New Young Christian.  If you didn’t read part 1 yet, check it out here before reading part 2 as we are laying foundation …

Sex is in the Bible.  The nature of sex is to be connected and whole with another person (Genesis 2:24).  In the context of marriage, being connected to your spouse is a healthy good thing…the way God intended.  Sex in the confides of marriage is supposed to bond you to that other person so that you want nothing else but to be with them, to be intimate with them and to love them.  That’s why divorce is so hard on a couple.  They are glued together and are literally being psychologically, physically and emotionally ripped apart from being bonded to each other. 

Porn has the same effect but you become addicted to your screens.  You become glued psychologically, physically and emotionally to the images you look and it bonds you to this false life and it’s just as hard to rip yourself away from it (1 Corinthians 6:16).  Because of the nature of sex and how it was designed, it is meant to make you “addicted”, in a way, with the person you are intimate with which is why your “crazy ex’s” act the way they are because they “just can’t quit you.”   Porn's addiction is powerful and when you find the girl of your dreams, you have to “divorce” yourself from your computer images so that you can bond to the girl or the guy that you are supposed to be with. But you “can’t” because you seem “addicted” or “fused” to this porn lifestyle and addiction.

An article came out recently in Time magazine on this issue of pornography and it’s effects on human beings.  The article highlighted a generation of young people saying they have had enough of pornography and they simply don’t want it anymore.  These young people (not specified as Christian but simply young people which is interesting) are saying they grew up with internet porn and are becoming advocates of turning it off.  To have those who have not read the Bible who don’t seem to profess to be Christians come to the revelation that porn is damaging to their health, is pretty phenomenal.  The article says this,

“A growing number of young men are convinced that their sexual responses have been sabotaged because their brains were virtually marinated in porn when they were adolescents.  Their generation has consumed explicit content in quantities and varieties never before possible on devices designed to deliver content swiftly and privately all at an age when their brains were more plastic-more prone to permanent change…. “  (Time, April 11, 2016, PG 42).  

The church has been sounding the alarm and now the generation is joining in.  But this revelation is not catching God by surprise.  God knows the power of the brain and what these images can do.  That’s why God was crystal clear when He said, “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:1-2).  When it comes to your brain, these online images will do damage.  What you see and look at does make an impression.  Every good experience (love, joy, peace, etc) creates a pattern in your brain but so does every negative experience, specifically negative sexual experiences.   You are impressionable to messages so fill your head with good things to become a healthy person.  

One of the leading researchers in this is William Struthers.  He’s a Christian biopsychologist and he wrote a book called Wired for Intimacy.  He examines what the Bible says, what biology and current medicine has to say about how we react physically, mentally and emotionally to sex.  He says,

“As we fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on images, the exposure to them creates neural pathways.  Like a path that’s created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed.  Over time, these neural paths become wider, as they are repeatedly travelled with each exposure to pornography.” 

Basically, when you engage in pornographic behavior, you are creating a pleasure path that is a trail that you essentially forge in your brain.  That path you carve out in your mind is a path of you don't want to continue to head down.  It's from the same part of the brain that has similar responses as that of heroin or cocaine so essentially, sex and drugs create the same neural pleasure paths.

I live in Arizona and hiking is a common past time.  But there are warning signs, especially on dangerous parts of the trails that give hikers warning NOT to venture off the trail to form a new one.  Some hikers don’t listen and want to leave the trail to access an undiscovered part of the landscape so they can choose a new direction to create a new path because of their lust for adventure.  However some meet their end and even have memorials dedicated to hikers who have decided to take it upon themselves to create these new paths but are unaware of the dangers that was present as that new path wasn’t safe and they fell to their death.  

Your brain is an uncharted wilderness with select, beautiful trails.  These paths that are there are mostly from good experiences and from memories.  But essentially porn's desire compels you to leave the trail and make a new trail.  This trail is a rough cut-through at first.  But because of what you feel when you go on this cut through, it wears through to become a path.  The more we travel down this neurological pathway, the more it becomes a trail that we continue to head down and the end result is addiction. 

These paths are hard to avoid because porn leaves you wanting more.  According to fightthenewdrug.org, “Because of its addictive nature, in order to just feel some sense of normality, an individual usually needs an ever increasing dosage of porn. The material that they seek out also evolves. Over time, their appetite pushes them to more hardcore versions to achieve the same level of arousal.”  When a person is aroused by porn their brain releases dopamine that takes them feel pleasure.  And that chemical, dopamine, creates a pathway for the porn feeling to run on.  Basically, dopamine says, “this feels good so let’s mark this path so we remember to follow it next time.”  IN the context of marriage, it’s a good thing.  In the context of porn….not so good. 

John Mayer, famous musician, said it in a recent article in Rolling Stone Magazine, “

“I am the new generation of masturbator,” he explains. “I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee … I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes.”

John Mayer is caught in his own addiction to sex and pornography.  However, their are celebrities who are taking a better stand against porn like joseph Gordon Levitt, Terry Cruz and others in this generation who are wanting to fight.  Our fight begins as followers of Jesus to go back to the ancient paths that God put in us before we ever saw pornography.  These paths are ancient paths that keep you healthy in your mind and heart as they lead back to the places where God can heal, develop and inspire you.  Jeremiah 6:16 says, "This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”  You are in need of rest and it starts by leaving the familiar porn paths and returning to the trails that matter to you that are connected to faith, family and friends…not the glow of your phone. 

Since God created you and wired you for sex and intimacy, then let’s see what God says about how He made you and how you function.  Here’s the foundation to build upon before we get practical:

+ Your body is not to do what you want with it. (1 Corinthians 6:1-20)

+ Your body is a house where God lives in it (1 Corinthians 6:19)

+ Admit your weakness (Romans 8:26)

+ No more excuses - I’m serious - you can actually be free from a distorted sexual past (1 Corinthians 6:9-12)

 + It’s not about emotion but truth and Jesus is the source of it (John 14:6)

+ Confess your sin to God (1 John 1:9)

+ Jesus set you free  (John 8:36)

+ Self-control comes from God (Galations 5:22-23 1 Peter 1:13, Titus 2:11-12)

+ You won’t be free from temptation but you can stay free from porn (1 Corinthians 10:13)

+ You’ll still have thoughts and feelings (God doesn't take them away because they are there for a reason but they were distorted) but daily give it to Jesus (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

Now that we have laid this foundation of Scripture, let’s get to the practical.  

7 Ways To Have The Sex Life You’ve Always Wanted

(part 3 drops tomorrow)

How To Quit Porn Once and For All Part 1

If there is an issue that I hear more and more talked about with young people, it’s the issue of pornography.  Personally, my discussions are more frequent  than ever because porn is more frequent than ever.  It seems to make sense that the more accessible lust is the more acceptable lust is.  Which is why we need to create contexts for more conversations on this matter of sexual brokenness with this generation. 

“It seems to make sense that the more accessible lust is the more acceptable lust is. ”

We’ve always been a sexualized culture and that’s why the Bible addresses the issues of sexuality with wisdom from Scripture (Proverbs 7, John 4:16-18; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4; 1 Peter 1:15; etc).  So God’s not outta touch…He gets it.  Even though “pornea” is where we get the word “porn” found in the Greek in Scripture 32 times (Matthew 5:32, Romans 1:29-31, 1 Corinthians 5:1, Galations 5:19-20, Jude 1:7, and 32 other times in the Bible), porn has been around us from the days of the Bible.  But it became mainstream in the 1953 with the introduction of Playboy and from there, it has  become a 10-14 billion dollar industry (making more money than our professional sports of football, basketball and baseball combined.)  You might say, “Well I don’t pay for it” but your click frequency creates advertising opportunities for disgusting companies to profit from it.  So every click of your mouse and log-on to their site is a dollar sign keeping the industry nice and strong to produce more, FYI.

I’ve chosen to engage this topic with the young people I’ve been pastoring because I really believe you can be free and stay free.  I’ve experienced an anticipated response from culture, specifically from young guys, where it seems failure is normal and lust is expected.  A group of guys sitting around affirming the expected failures involving our sex drive is not God’s best for these guys or you…it can be progress to be open about failures, yes, but it’s not the desired end result for any young person battling porn addiction.  Sexual dysfunction (porn, masturbation, casual sex, friends with benefits, etc) can become accepted and tolerated with others.  Even believers in a spiritual community can become comfortable with it (this was the case with people in the city of Corinth).  But we can live free from the effects of pornography in our culture.

For me personally as a pastor, porn is only a “click” away and I am choosing every day to live free and clear from it’s addictive tendencies.  I really want to be an example of a follower of Christ who can live free rather than giving excuses I’ve heard (“well as guys we aren’t really ever ‘free’ from lust, you know?”…not true).  I refuse to be the pastor that has “the gap” of what happens publically and what happens privately.  That’s how pastors, leaders, husbands, fathers, sons, etc, implode because there is a slow erosion of character in the gaps between what people see us on our “platforms” at work, at school, families, teams, etc and who we are when no one is looking.  I will do whatever it takes to not have "the gap" and live a life of who I am on-stage and who I am off-stage be consistent.  It’s a fight and I am choosing Jesus which means I am winning. 

“I think in the Christian culture we have a heavy emphasis on ‘not sinning’ but we also need an equal if not more emphasis on pursuing purity. ”

I still have contact with young people who are part of #fightclub.  We are all "young Brad Pitts" fighting ourselves and overcoming our own personal battles of sexual addiction while “you do not talk  about fight club” we all know it’s there and we have chosen to be fight and win.  I have talked to guys who have started with the struggle but who are now free from porn because we choose to be honest, accountable, hungry for God, loving our wives, giving our all, honoring all the women around us, loving God and pursing Jesus with everything we got.  While not being weird Christians who have decided to move to a cave without electricity to avoid the dangers of media.  It is about resisting but it’s also about "drawing near."  I think in the Christian culture we have a heavy emphasis on “not sinning” but we also need an equal if not more emphasis on pursuing purity. 

James says, “Submit to God.  Resist the devil.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”  I know the devil isn’t behind every pornographic temptation.  But the idea there is RESIST.  We know how to put filters on our phones, software on our computers, develop community groups to share our struggles, etc.  So we choose to resist and we can be good at it.  But are we as good at drawing near or in other words PURSUING?  If not, we need to be.  

It’s not just about stopping bad behaviors but t's also about starting new ones.  Isn’t that repentance?  It’s turning from sin (rebellion towards God's best plan for us)  and moving forward into God’s grace (God's approval of us).  As Christians, we can be great at turning from sin but can be bad at moving forward.  Repentance without progression is spiritually walking in circles.  Maybe our battle with porn is less of a spiritual rollercoaster and more of a tilt-a-whirl.  Moving in circles because we don’t pursue we just keep trying to stop sinning and turn but with no forward motion.  This is why so many incredible young people give up or say to me overcoming porn is “too difficult.”  It’s less about trying to give you a 1001 ways to stop looking at porn and more about giving you a singular goal:  pursue Jesus. 

“As Christians, we can be great at turning from sin but can be bad at moving forward. Repentance without progression is spiritually walking in circles. ”

Porn allows us to give ourselves to something that we CAN SEE that is NOT REAL.   But the Bible offers us to give ourselves to something that we CAN’T SEE that IS REAL.  It’s faith in Jesus (1 Peter 1:8-9).    The best way to overcome the temptation in general is to follow the one who overcame temptation and didn’t sin.  That’s Jesus.  So seek Christ.  Worship.  Pray.  Fill your room with the praises of Christ.   Seek the cross.  Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.  I guarantee it is a lot harder to look at pornography when you’ve got Jesus Culture playing in your room with your Bible on your bed and a Scripture graphic on your phone that you are trying to commit to memory and look at porn at the same time.  You are much less likely to turn to porn when God means so much to you because porn loses it’s pull over you when God matters more to you. 

Lust says “I want it.”  The struggle is real but so is Jesus.  So here’s the first step in beating your porn addiction: Make Jesus your pursuit.  If lust says “I want it” then let pursuit say “I want God.”  If pride says, “I got this on my own” then let pursuit say “I got God and He’s with me.”  If weakness says “I can’t do it, I wanna give up” then let pursuit say, “God can do it keep going” because of grace His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

Beating porn starts first with Jesus and letting him into your life.  Not religion or performance-based faith but a true encounter with Christ.  And keep going, keep seeking and see what God can do.  It's never a one-and-done but it's a daily pursuit with Christ.  Just like any addiction, porn is one day at a time.  Pursuit with Jesus is one day at a time as well.  Getting to know Him more and letting Him change you from the inside out.  

 Part 2 continues tomorrow...

Why Does God Speak To Other People But Not To Me?

I have heard other Christians say this to me.  And the reality is that it's simply not true.  God actually does want to speak and IS speaking to you.  As a matter of fact He has so many things to say and reveal about His thoughts towards you that it's as many as the grains of sand on beach of your last Spring Break trip to Daytona Beach (Psalm 139:17-18).  You just don't realize it yet.  

I have made it a personal mission to try to hear God.   I think it’s actually pretty exciting to hear God speak.   Anytime someone you love and who loves you more than you can ever imagine wants to speak to you...you want to hear what they have to say.  Here's why I know this:

+ God has a voice.  We see the 3rd verse of the Bible when God spoke light into darkness (Genesis 1:3).  

+ You can hear his voice if you are a follower of Jesus.  In the new Testament we read some powerful words, “I am the good shepherd and I know My own and My own know Me.  My sheep hear My voice and I know them and they follow Me” (John 10:14, 27).  

+ You hear by the Holy Spirit.    Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to guide us into truth, to speak these truths loud and clear (John 14:26; 16:13-15).  

+ Prophecy is Jesus, about Jesus and restoring people back to Jesus (Revelation 19:10)

Journal note:   I have a very practical guide to hearing God’s voice on a past journal entry here.

I want to be a Christian who is with Jesus so that I can hear Him and be with Him.  Out of that intimacy comes a revelation of who He is, who I am and what I am made to do.   If we can cultivate that kind of closeness with God, it allows us to see and hear things which simply overflows out of us.  The love of God for me leads me to have a prophetic lifestyle.  That’s why Scripture says, “Follow the way of love and eagerly desire gifts of the Spirit, especially prophecy.”  1 Corinthians 14:1

That’s what prophetic words and ministry can do for you.  That’s what hearing God’s voice can do for you.  It helps you become who you were always meant to be.  God speaking to you connects you to your designed purpose and what you were created to be and do.  Discovering and calling out the future selfthat God has destined for them that they can’t see yet but you can!  It’s catching a glimpse of the YOU that is the YOU that you were always meant to be. 

Jesus choose the disciples He chose their occupations, the personalities, their shortcomings, their dysfunctions, their lack of education… because He saw who they could be and would be.  He not only saw them but called it out of them.  This was incredibly counter-cultural in Jesus day.  

Living out the life of Jesus as a Christian should demand from all of us a prophetic eye and ear to see the “what could be” with those we are discipling.  When we are loved like that by Jesus and by those who follow Jesus, it transcends our limitations and we start to live like we always were intended to live.  That’s why having an ear to hear God is important to you, your family and your leadership. 

5 Ways To Translate God’s Voice:

 

God speaks to everyone. 

We live in a noisy culture.  We have a God who speaks regularly.  This is the tension as a creation of God.  He is either speaking “come to me” to those that don’t know God and to those that do know God, He is revealing who He is and who they are supposed to be (Romans 10:17 & Romans 5:8).  So be still and know (Psalm 46:10) or the Hebrew word for “know” is be intimately acquainted with.  So stop just praying on your car ride to work and spend a few minutes before everyone is up and listen. 

My friend Eric Samuel Timm says this in his book, The Static Jedi, ““Battling the noise is creating a space for God and acknowledging the space He occupies, which is all of it. Invite God into all twenty-four hours of your day.”  So invite Him and see what He’ll say…

God’s voice is characterized by love.

God sounds like love (Galations 5:6).  There is no condemnation in Christ but grace and mercy.  These are strong indicators you are hearing God’s voice if these expressions are part of what you are hearing.  Grace is acceptance by God you cannot earn accept by Jesus and mercy is forgiveness you don’t deserve but have received in Christ.  

God’s purpose for speaking to you and to others is to primarily reveal the Father’s love.

Jesus longed for the disciples to experience the love of the Father.  That same love of the Father that was ESSENTIAL for Jesus to live by is the same love that Jesus wants for us to experience and that is available for us ( John 17:24-25).

God reveals His thoughts to you so you have His thoughts.   

You don’t become conformed but you become transformed when your mind is renewed by God’s thoughts (Romans 12:2)  You hear God by the Holy Spirit.  No one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  But we receive the Spirit of God to not receive the spirit of the world but God Himself to allow us to see and know His will, purpose and plans for us and others (1 Corinthians 2:9)

God’s voice makes you complete. 

The heart of the disciples who experienced the presence and life-giving words of Jesus was to bring that very experience to others.  Experiencing what you see and hear when you are with the Father and makes you complete in the Kingdom (1 John 1:1-4)

As Christians Can We Condemn An Entertainer And Love Christ At the Same Time?

I enjoy pop-culture.  I make my playlists (modern-talk for “mix-tapes”) for the special people and moments in my life.  I binge Netflix when necessary.  I Hulu a few of my fav’s when I can.  “Get a Redbox” is a phrase you will hear if you are in my house and hanging with my family.  I enjoy a good movie premiere.

And Hollywood gets a bad rap.  And rightly so.  They produce a lot of garbage.  But can I expect a creative collection of people who love to make stories come to life on the big screen to make moral films with a wholesome life message who have not experienced the renewing power of Jesus?   I can’t.

So why do we bash people who don’t know Christ or criticize those who are just getting to know Christ when they don’t “act” like Christian? 

I have been in church settings when the speaker or conference is complaining about the artist or the actor.  Saying things like, “[insert famous person here] is responsible for the immorality of this generation and God will judge their ways.”  A loaded statement.  Whether it’s true or not is up to God and the Bible.  But the bigger question here is this:  What if that particular Hollywood star heard this?   Is that the first thing they need to hear from the church?  Is that the first thing you would say to Kim Kardashian, Hillary Clinton, Justin Bieber, Tom Cruise or Donald Trump?  I sure hope not. 

In Christ there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1).  To condemn if you break the word down is into two words:  “con” and “demn.”  “Con” means to “be in association with” and “demn” is where we get the root for the word “damn” from the word“damnation.”  Essentially when we condemn someone we are saying we are putting them into association with those destined to share their future with the devil.  When the woman was caught having sex with another man (a familiar theme in music and movies that I have observed lately) Jesus first words were I don’t condemn you and don’t do it again.  The religious people of her day wanted to destroy her, her reputation and her future.  Jesus wants to direct her into a good future and purpose in God’s love by showing her first love then truth. 

The Bible is clear that if we don’t have love we are nothing (1 Corinthians 13).  How can I speak to influencers in Hollywood (musicians, actors, artists, government officials, athletes, etc.) and to influencers with those same titles in my local community(the coffee shop musicians, local theater actors, community artists, town government officials, high school or college athletes, etc.) if there is no love, compassion, or kindness coming from me?  If someone said that about you, would you want to listen to them, be open to them to hear about God, etc.?  Obviously not.   If you speak against a person of influence like that the reality is you have just put up a wall against them.   YOU just put up a wall.  Jesus spoke the truth in love and had the perfect balance of grace and truth and we should as well. 

The problem is we choose to speak first and love second.    We do this because we think if we don’t say something we are endorsing it.  That’s why we inappropriately back up what we do with the out-of-date phrase “hate the sin but love the sinner.”  I don’t need to say that phrase to qualify or disqualify if I go to my gay friends wedding, to be with my friend who’s living with his girlfriend or anyone else who happens to be struggling with a sinful issue, to have dinner with a Target executive, etc.  What I need to do is simply love the person I’m with, with the extravagant love of Jesus while being soundly grounded in Scripture so I can speak wisdom and encourage as often as I can with God’s holiness as a guide and God’s love as my motive. 

So what does Scripture say about trying to live God's way with people?  See below: 

“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to direct our energies wisely.  Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way… Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse.”  Galatians 5:22-26

If you want to check yourself on how you’re doing in engaging with culture, then check the fruit of your life.  How are these fruits of the Spirit coming out of our lives:  love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  When I’m engaging, talking, criticizing, changing, loving, inspiring and influencing others…is this my demeanor and attitude?  If not, I better check myself.  These fruits should be how we carry ourselves as Christians.  These attributes should be how we govern our lives and the lives of others and those that we don’t know or don’t agree with. 

How Christians Should Approach the Entertainment Industry: 

Realize every entertainer and personality you disapprove of is loved by God.

That means when we attack we are criticizing God’s heart and His creative work.    The reality is the most disliked or perverted person is someone that God loves because God’s love isn’t conditional but unconditional.  I’m not saying we can’t have a conviction towards someone’s words or actions.  I’m not saying you can’t disapprove of them.  I'm simply saying how my attitude and heart is towards someone... is an attitude and heart towards someone God loves dearly. 

Develop a prophetic eye to see who they could be. 

God desires that actor, musician or reality star to be who they are destined to be in Christ.  If they are spiritually “off track” then their gifts and talents can be warped to not serve God’s purpose but a different one.  Maybe the dirty stand-up comic is really supposed to be a youth pastor but was turned away from church by a bad experience.  Maybe the pop artist is really supposed to be a worship leader but was told her music was sounding too much like the devil and a religious person made sure they knew it.  The movie director is really a master storyteller who should be captivating audiences with sharing Biblical stories than writing stories of his own showing the world how bad God is rather instead of telling the world how good God is.  I realize not every entertainer is a fallen spiritual hero but it is true to say every person has gifts and talents that were intended to be used by God for His purposes.  A prophetic eye sees these entertainers and their gifts the way God sees them and the way they were intended. 

Hope is a powerful word in our culture with people who don’t know God. 

Hope is a word that resonates with many people.  It might even be one of the most powerful evangelistic words you can bring in our world today.  Kris Valotton says, “He who gives the most hope will have the greatest influence.”  I agree!  Usually broken people are trying to find an answer or relief from their addiction, pain and suffering.  Hope says that there is a feeling that the future that God has for them that is secure, full of love, healthy and healed can be had or that will turn out for the best because of Jesus.  God says, “All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.  Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.”  1 Corinthians 13:14-15

 

Love gives you an authority in your life to change culture.

Maybe that’s why the greatest of these is love.  If God is love (1 John 4:8) and God is the highest authority then when we love with God's love, we are demonstrating the authoritative power of God with someone.  Shawn Boltz says, "you will never have authority over what you do not love."    So when I have a loving heart and live out the love of God with others, I am demonstrating an authority and power that is stronger than what any lyric, script, person or idea. 

Any I am forgetting or you would add?

6 Ways To Love Like Jesus In A Tolerant Culture:

How Jesus deals with differing opinions is how we should deal with opinions that are different from us.  A gracious person is Jesus.  The New Young Christian believes that graciousness is stronger and a better choice than tolerance.  

Graciousness is defined as having a forgiving attitude and compassionate posture as we walk in wisdom with those whose opinions, attitudes and beliefs are different than yours.  Basically, the ethic of graciousness is found in treating others like Jesus treated others.   Jesus dealt with tolerance in His day as He was dealing with Romans and the religious crowds and opinions.  

6 Ways To Love Like Jesus In A Tolerant Culture:   

1.  Channel your passions.

Jesus was facing popular opposition in his day.  When confronted with stubborn, unredeemed and resistant people, Jesus actually is referenced as being angry at their stance on a particular religious issue.  Mark says Jesus “…looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts.”  Might be the only time we see Jesus angry and performing a miracle at the same time.  So how does Jesus channel is anger and sadness at their ignorance? He chooses to be angry (without sinning of course) and do God’s will at the same time because it can be done and is what a gracious person does.

2.  Pay it forward positively.

God insists, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil…do not take revenge…do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17).  Jesus mission was to seek and save the lost.  He had a fierce determination to not allow the opposition of others to sidetrack him from his purpose or to deflect him from his mission.  And at the end of the day Jesus is to overcome evil with good.  Jesus doesn't overcome evil with protest.  He doesn't overcome evil with twitter rants.  Jesus doesn't seem to overcome evil with boycotting.  Jesus isn't overcoming evil by yelling or arguing with others.  He will get attention by flipping a table and pulling out a whip on occasion, yes.  But Jesus ultimate goal is to seek transformation not attention. 

Peter tried to repay evil for evil by picking a battle and even going as far as to hurt those against them physically by cutting off a Roman guards ear (Luke 22:51).   Trying to payback an eye for an eye or an ear for an ear is not the heart of Jesus.  As a matter of fact he spoke to Peter saying, "Am I leading a rebellion?"  And he healed the soldiers ear.  Jesus response was healing not hurting...maybe that should be our response as well.  Here's one...do we boycott Target for transgender bathrooms or do we offer to clean the bathrooms of Target to show the world that serving might be more valuable than protesting?  

3.  Genuinely love those in opposition to you.

The best thing you can do is to love those who don’t agree with you.  Not just pray for them but love them (Luke 6:27).  Loving your enemies means that you not only pray for them but bless those that persecute you.  Showing kindness to those practically who disagree with you.  Jesus didn’t just write off the Romans for their tyranny, he engaged them by being willing to go to the house of a Centurian and heal his servant’s son (Luke 7:1-10).   While everyone is boycotting Roman rules and regulations, Jesus is willing to go into his house to bring a miracle not a reprimand or a demand. 

4. Know who your "real" enemy is.

You are not against a person.  You are against an ideology or in spiritual terms: a stronghold…pattern of belief.  The New Young Christian must know that his opponents are not his real enemies. He must regularly remind himself of the real war going on behind the scenes, as described in Ephesians 6:10–20. The real war is in the spiritual world, and must be fought with spiritual weapons. His real enemies are spiritual: “principalities…powers…the rulers of the darkness of this world.” His perceived “human enemies” are simply confused, misunderstood and even being held captive by the real enemy of our souls.

5.  Pursue change of heart not opinion.

He takes the initiative when things get heavy and when others pushback. He stands up to his opponents with grace and truth.  But He doesn’t fight on their terms but His terms. Instead he turns the tables …strategically.  Jesus constantly confirms it’s not about being right with others but doing right to others.  Jesus is more concerned with the heart of someone than their political opinion of someone.  He takes the controversy to them.  Jesus appeals to their logic as well as their conscience.  That’s why Jesus poses the question, “Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’?” (Luke 5:23). This is because Jesus is seeking a change of heart and mind in his opponents, not just to win an argument. His desire is to bring them to a place of a surrender to experience forgiveness.  And that must be our motivation with those who disagree with us. They may see our good deeds and praise our Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16).

6.   Always let the Holy Spirit Lead You.

What does it look like for you to love a transgender, an addicted teenager, a liberal, a republican, the girl who is living with her boyfriend, your gay neighbors, your porn-addicted friend, the person who believes that all roads lead to heaven and that you are narrow-minded?  I’ll let Jesus tell you.  And while you’re reading these words of how to act towards a tolerant generation, fill in your name whenever you see the word “love”  and see if it matches up with you: 

 “4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

 This chapter is not about marriage (sorry well-meaning people) but this chapter is about spiritual gifts. It’s about the enabling of the Holy Spirit to use you in your world to make a difference in the people around you and to make a difference you need love.  Because if you don’t have love as you engage with others…you are nothing.  Plain and simple.  The love in 1 Corinthians isn’t a passive love.  A love this is quiet, mousy, not passionate or aggressive.  It's quite the opposite actually.  It’s aggressive because it speaks out of moments you’ll have as you love people that will be filled with boasting, passionate, disagreement, wanting to give up, etc.  This doesn’t sound like a person that was a doormat but someone who is engaging with his culture and those around him and it was abrasive, passionate, engaging and heated.  That’s why God is giving us a list of words that include, patience, kindness, not holding grudges, etc.  Because this is in the context of the Holy Spirit, only He can give you this kind of love; this kind of mindset; this kind of heart for others.  For you to be a gift and a blessing to those around you, let the Holy Spirit give you the ability to respond according to this Scripture and watch the tolerance around you lose strength and diminish more and more every time they are with you because the Holy Spirit and the truth that He brings because of Jesus will always be stronger than the tolerance of culture.  Always.  The Spirit of God in you will always change the people and atmosphere around you…if you just let it.

Any other ways you have dealt with tolerance in your community or culture?