Who you partner yourself with for life can make or break you and your future. We asked the question on Part 1 of "How To Know If You Are Dating a Boy or a Man?" in our most recent post here. Now that we have asked that question...what about for our lady friends?
One of the attributes that you can look for in finding the girl of your dreams is maturity. A Good Guy is interested in dating a woman…not a girl. I know there is a whole list for guys as well because girls want to date a man and not a boy, essentially. However, I want this series of posts to help guys not only rise up and be the men God is calling them to be but also for girls to be the women God is calling them to be as well. I have been talking hard to guys in the last few posts so here is my brief post to the ladies to encourage them and challenge them as well. These are my thoughts with some females who have helped me develop them:
A VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD COMPARISON BETWEEN DATING A GIRL AND A WOMAN:
A GIRL CRITICIZES OTHERS BUT A WOMAN COMPLIMENTS OTHERS.
OK girls, if you want to turn the “good guys” away, just be a “catty” girl. Be that girl who talks about other girls behind their backs, comparing yourself constantly to others and for the sake of all things in the universe, don’t ask me this dreaded question: “Do you think she’s pretty?” Because a guy doesn’t know how to answer that one outloud without causing the apocalypse. A guys wants to find a woman who complements others; who loves God’s creation; who loves her friends and accepts others as they are; who affirms her church, her community and her leadership. A guy doesn’t want to date a girl who criticizes because it’s just plain draining.
A GIRL WAITS FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN BUT A WOMAN MAKES THINGS HAPPEN.
A woman knows who she is, knows what she wants and goes for it...professionally, relationally and spiritually. She isn’t afraid to ask the questions, ask for help and collaborate with others. She has friends "beyond her best friends" and doesn’t have a trail of burned bridges behind her. She’s assertive, smart and plans effectively. A girl can lack ambition and patience. She thinks short-term and thinks often only about herself. Check out Proverbs 31 for some ideal lady characteristics, guys.
A GIRL FLIRTS WITH MANY BUT A WOMAN IS FAITHFUL TO ONE.
A woman is confident, strong and knows who she is. She knows how she’s acting in the moment and realizes that she represents her guy when she’s with her girlfriends and when she’s with others. She is aware of what she's wearing, what she says and how she's acting around others. She's clearly communicating verbally and nonverbally with those around her. A girl however, is draining. Her guys is constantly trying to "figure her out" because she's playing games with him. She says things indirectly that are ambiguous and unclear. Ladies, guys are already confused as it is...why make it more difficult? She plays continued games that may work for now but he will eventually grow tired of the games. So ladies, be a woman who doesn't need to flirt but desires to be faithful in all situations and watch your man only have eyes for you.
A GIRL IS ENTITLED BUT A WOMAN IS ENCHANTING.
Guys, women are magical. They lure us to them without even trying. It’s the simple things that seem to make her sweet, beautiful and alluring. An enchanting woman loves the small gestures, the sincere romance and the authentic conversation (along with some gifts…come on, guys, we don’t go cheap on me). A girl who is entitled talks about what she wants and if she can’t get it, she starts plotting what she wants through her and his friends. Guys, we have a lot more fun by dating a woman whose priority is not material things and false expectations but is overwhelmed by the time and thought put into a simple gift than an extravagant one. But guys, that does mean for you to know what her likes and tastes are. Because when you give her what she wants because you know her well, that puts her over the moon for you. At the end of the day, it's not about the price or the stuff but it's about do you know her enough to know what she likes.
A GIRL TRIES WAY TOO HARD BUT A WOMAN IS HARD TO GET.
Heidi, my wife, was a woman from the beginning. She had standards. She knew what she wanted. She loved God and wanted a man who loved God. I found myself doing what I could to win her over. I met her in church. Not at the club, at an after-party, etc. (Hello, single people...!!) Church is a great place to meet people (Oh, and find some really awkward ones, too...did I just say that out loud?) We went water-skiing with friends and I got to know her. Eventually I took her out and the rest is history. We grew to love each other. We got married and have just celebrated 20 years in Hawaii. You know what guys...I still romance her. We celebrate birthdays like royalty, we go out on Valentines Day like we did in the early days, we have anniversary’s at some really great places that have really great pools (especially pools that have people that bring food right to you...we are a big deal and we are fine with that), I give her “just because” flowers at work, etc. I say that because what "won her" to me while dating is what "keeps her" with me in marriage. She made me work for it. And you know what…I liked it. When a girl pursues a guy, maybe it’s me, but it feels a little different to me. Nothing necessarily wrong with that but I want to be the man who has to win her over … and it brought out the man in me. So girls, stop throwing yourself at him but let him chase you...if he's the man for you, he'll "see you" and run right after you.
A GIRL GOES ON THE DEFENSIVE BUT A WOMAN GROWS IN DISCERNMENT.
A woman knows her surroundings. She is aware of the spiritual climate in the room and knows when the battle is not against others (“flesh and blood”) but when it’s a spiritual battle. A girl assumes the worst and gets defensive towards her guy and others. She gets offended easily and assumes the worst. She becomes hurt easily and lives from a posture of defensiveness and constant mistrust. Guys, you aren’t always going to get it right so find a woman that can help you discover what’s wrong with you and your situation because not everything can be solved by blowing things up, punching it in the face or driving really fast (although a 2016 Mercedes Benz C-Class Coup would be nice right about now and relief my current stress...just sayin').
A GIRL WANTS YOU TO CHANGE TO HER LIKING BUT A WOMAN ACCEPTS YOUR FLAWS BECAUSE SHE LIKES YOU.
A woman knows your weaknesses. She doesn’t expose them but covers you and makes you a better man. I’ve counseled couples and their seemed to be some expectation that the other was going to change for the other. News flash: not gonna happen. A guy is much more willing to become a better man when he knows he’s loved unconditionally by his woman. I mean isn’t that the foundation of relationship with Jesus? A girl who tries to do a personality makeover on you (grunge to preppy, simple to sophisticated, etc.) is not the girl for the long haul. I’m not talking about just manners or style that many dudes lack: not putting the seat down, chewing with your mouth open or talking and using language like you’re from a Quentin Tarantino, wearing a bass-fishing t-shirt on your first date, etc. It’s called get some manners, bro, because to keep a girl around, you gotta get civilized and while you're at it, take a look in the mirror and make sure you look halfway decent. I’m saying if you have to earn love in a relationship by acting a certain way, then you are dating the wrong person because a woman’s love is unchanging and it was will last through the tough times.
A GIRL IS SELFIE-OBSESSED BUT A WOMAN IS OBSESSED WITH SELFLESSNESS.
Hey girls, “pouty lips” or “the duckface” is not always cute to guys. Frankly, they can seem over the top. Are the selfies in fun or do they point to a bigger issue? Does she care about herself? How she looks? How many likes? Or does she care about others? Is she more concerned with numbers of followers or making a difference in others? Her instagram feed will be pretty revealing if she’s a girl or a woman. Take some advice from and "The Biebs":
‘Cause if you like-the way-you look that much-oh baby, you should go and love yourself...'
Not only that but a girl is selfish with her money but a woman is generous. A girl is needy but a woman meets a need. She lives a live of generosity by giving freely. Her life is characterized by being a person who says that others matter. Because when she prioritizes others, the others around her will prioritize her so she is never in lack or in want.
A GIRL GOSSIPS ABOUT OTHERS BUT A WOMAN GAINS RESPECT FROM OTHERS
Perhaps life is just too boring or maybe jealousy is to blame, but some girls love the drama (I get enough of that for one day watching a Scandal commercial). This type of pandemonium is unheard of with a woman because she’s too busy going for her dreams to waste her time and/or helping others achieve their dreams and potential. You don’t want to date a girl who gossips and causes division. Just like her, you’ll waste your time getting wrapped up in the cray-cray. Not to mention, she’ll probably do the same thing to you with her family and friends. A woman has a respect with you and with others in her community. You want to find the girl of your dreams, ask others around you what they think about her….because that will be the test of if she’s right for you.
A GIRL TAKES CONTROL IN THE RELATIONSHIP BUT A WOMAN GIVES HIM CONTROL IN THE RELATIONSHIP
A girl is controlling. She is one of those girls who commands him to open the door for her, tells her what he should order for her, etc. Although I appreciate the take-charge idea...wrong execution because in the end she is the one yelling at her guy because he's not being the spiritual leader in the relationship. Plus, most some guys don't realize they are even being controlled in this. They are enamored by her looks that he doesn't see her manipulation with him resulting in a guy who has lost his fighting spirit. A woman let's him lead and take charge spiritually. A woman wants him to own his faith, own his spiritual life and own the relationship.
Anything I'm missing from this list?